Dear Diary....

***An interesting piece....thsk thsk....

i am in a confused state now...too many emotions rolled into one....
i miss him....i long to be in his arms again....to feel his warmth....to smell the sweetness of his breath....
but how am i suppose to forget...that it is that very arms that pushed me away....
that very arm that i see her in everyday replacing me.....

i wish to hear his voice again...the soothing voice that always makes me feel safe....
the voice i can hear even if he doesnt speak....the voice that tells me everything is going to be okie....
but how am i supposed to forget...that it is that very voice that was raised on me....
that very voice that made me feel afraid again....

how i wish that i could feel his lips....that soft tender lips that always makes me feel at home....
a soft passionate kiss that can drive all my worries away....
but how am i suppose to forget....it was from that lips that insults were thrown at me....
that very lips....that tore me apart with words....

i wish that i could look into that eyes again....that warm hazel eyes that thaught me the meaning of love....the eyes i could look at for hours without realising so much time has passed....
but how am i supposed to forget....that it was that eyes that flashed anger at me....that very eyes that i learnt the meaning of hate from....

i miss him more everyday....i long for the days when he was here....talking bout love and life....
i miss the times when he said "i love you....and always will....no matter what"....
but how can i forget....when he said "i dont love you....i hate you"....
how can i forget the words he used on me just to defend her....how can i forget that just to defend himself....he literally pushed me to the floor and spat on me like i never mattered ever.....

i miss those days when he was mine....
but how can i deny....maybe he never was mine to start off with....

i need you....
but i guess i have only myself to trust and rely on....
i miss you....
but i dont think that matters anymore.....