Have You Ever??

hey peepz....whats been up?? i have been pretty bummed up for the whole week....things just seem to be going out of my hands....hate the things going on with me and also around me....hehe....no im not complaining or anything....just letting out what im feeling inside so maybe i will be able to feel better once i have this off my chest....hehe....and just for the record....there are good things going on as well that i appreciate....but you see....the sad irritating things are the one's that bother you arent they....so hence, this entry....hehe....

have you ever felt betrayed by the one you trusted so much to be by your side and stand by you?? the person whom you wont hesitate to confide in with all your problems and also happiness....well, i have....once upon a time....trusted and cared for this person all the time....that was until i was let down and betrayed by the person....there was a time when i would stand up and do anything for this person....but that doesnt matter anymore....for this person have proved how worthless defending or even having friendship with this person is....what a let-down....

have you ever felt that everything around you was perfect but suddenly due to certain reasons, everything changes for the worse?? have you ever had the feeling that you are right where you want to be, with the people you want to be with....but then everything is ruined and you just dont know why its happening?? again, i have....and trust me it is not a nice feeling....its like one minute you are with family....and another minute you are like a nobody....cant really blame anyone for such situations....for everyone has the rights to make their own decisions and choices....no one should be forced....i just hope there will be no regrets in the future regarding this matter....

have you ever felt so excited by something, but only to end up disappointed a minute later by that very thing?? i have....especially when it comes to programming....hehe....imagine having everything figured out and planned....only to find out later that things arent going to go the way you thought it would....especially if you did not do anything to spoil things....i always end up asking myself....what happend?? what went wrong?? did i do something to make this happen?? but the answers to this questions often contradict with each other....so in short, i have no idea why things go wrong....they just do....

have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?? cant stand the thought of parting with that someone.... but circumstances require you to do so?? this i definately have....and its not something i would ever want to do....they say distance makes the heart grow fonder....but not that does not work in my case....instead it makes my heart grow weaker....never did like distance relationships....and would never ever either....especially since it makes us grow appart more instead of the other way around....hmmm....wish this kind of situations wont rise up again with me....but i know loads of it is actually already instore for me in the future....hope nothing bad comes out from it....*fingers crossed* ....

have you ever felt hatred for someone that it irritates you just to hear about that person?? well, again i have....especially since that person made a conclusion regarding me without even knowing what this person is talking about....this person never knew me well enough to even judge me....but felt that this person had the rights to do so....who are you to criticize me when you yourself is built of so many flaws?? especially when all the things you criticize me of are actually what you are made of....dont you realise?? for many around you realises this....or maybe you are just in denial....for you think to highly of yourself....its okie....probably you are doing and saying all this stuff just to make yourself feel better....it doesnt bother me either....for i know who i am and the people i care about knows too....so run your mouth all you please....you are bound to be uncovered anyhow....

have you ever regretted some things that you have said that ended up being misunderstood by some?? you say things with a different intention and thought....but that ends up getting misunderstood and may create problems and disrespect among others....i definately have been through many of those situations....one incident which i regreted it happened....but i dont know how i can make things better....saying something to protect one person and not actually meaning harm to the other person mentioned can really be misunderstood....what i felt was my responsibility, i did....but i think it was misunderstood for the signal that went out was that i had a personal grudge against this person....when i actually did not....i dont cause i dont even know you....i was just being protective....i meant good....but it ended up looking bad....sad sad....guess ill just stay out of things next time....

have you ever been in a situation that you are so close to someone....but you just cant make yourself to trust that person?? you know for a fact that person is all the way with you....but you just cant wondering maybe and what if....hmmm....sadly, in this situation i am that someone.... this person is so close to me and knows for a fact i would stand by this persons side....but yet, i dont know why....this person just cant seem to trust me....how do i know you ask?? well, it is kind of obvious by the way this person talks and behaves with me....i can see the care but the trust is just not there....how do i solve this?? well, honestly i dont know....i am still figuring things out myself....hope it the solution comes up soon....cause it is so frustrating to know about this matter and yet not have anything you can do about it....

well well well....so many situations....so many questions....but so few answers....i know many of you out there would know exactly what i am talking about here....about this feelings....some are fortunate enough to go through only a few ups n downs....sadly, others are just faithed to go through all these shit....and i am one of that "others"....i am not blessed to go through such situations....but neither would i say its a curse upon me....for from these experiences, i learn alot about life and also about the people we meet along the way....it is definately not pleasent learning....but it is much needed to get me through this life of mine....it makes me more matured and teaches me how to face the world.... therefore, i wont say i regret all these experience....i just wish it would have been a little easier to deal with....and it didnt hurt as much as it does....

so there....i have poured my hearts worried and disappointment out....phew!! feeling a little better already....hehe....hope things will just work themselves out and improve over time *wink*....and with that said, i think i better be putting a full stop to this post of mine....spent way too much time on it already....so ill be signing off here....till my fingers meet a keyboard....one last piece of advice....never get broken down by the things you face in your daily life....always hold your head up confidently and think positive....for what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger....ciaozZz