My Weakness....

Things were clear after our break up fight....
As i slept alone, finally with a clear head....
Only to awake with a terrible fright....
I had a dream that you were dead....

Tears rolled down my sad cheeks....
The thought of losing you was too much to bear....
My head started spinning and my knees became weak....
When i imagined a life without you there....

The candle in the dark, the one who is always there....
Thats the importance you hold in my life....
The love you showed with so much care....
My only wish was to be your loving wife....

A life without you wouldnt be a life at all....
Who else would i be proud enough to call my own....
If im lonely and depressed, who do i call....
Who am i supposed to turn to when i get thrown....

These thoughts have made me so very scared....
For you have already started to walk away....
How can i pretend that i never cared....
Because without you, i cant live even for a day....

I cleared my head and picked up the phone....
I wanted to talk to you, i just had to....
I dialed your number and waited for your tone....
I realized now, how much i missed you....

P/S: this is not bout my personal experience okie...hehe...just got the inspiration after reading nisha minhas's sari & sins...from the Zara and Jordan situation...*wink* read it yourself and you will know what i mean...hehe

Mixed And Confused??

morning people....im wide awake and sleepy at the same time....hehe....wide awake due to the cold cold air-conditioning and sleepy due to the lack of sleep i have been having for the past few days....have no idea what so ever on why am i not sleeping well....guess im just thinking too much bout life and stuff....how sad....hehe....im in my office right now looking at my pc....i took some pictures of my office to upload but sadly, i havent transfered them to my pc yet....no cable you see....mayb tomorrow or something okie.... *wink*

well....on my way to work today....i saw something that actually got me thinking about my life and the way it is going....not that its bad or anything....just that it got me wondering bout things and the future....hehe....actually what i saw was a very cute couple....they looked perfect for each other....the right heights, looks, kindness....and they had beautiful children....a son and a daughter....in my eyes they look just made for each other....the guy was indian and the girl was chinese....funny how mixed marriges can look so good together when we are always reminded by the older folks that we should stick to our very own race in terms of life partners....

that got me thinking bout my own life....i am a product from a mixed marrige....well, my mom is punjabi and my dad is tamil....which also results in a inter-religion marrige....my dad is a hindu where else my mom is a sikh....so many mixes and difference....hehe....but i turned out fine i would say....so i dont really see the problem in this issue that has been a problem for years....hehe....so many marriges of this kind have taken place over these years and i guess i would be continuing this tradition....just that mine would be an inter-religion marrige if things turn out well....hehe....

yeah....im currently going out with a guy that is from a totally different world compared to mine....i have been brought up as a partial hindu and partial sikh....hehe....then there is also the side dishes....hehe....abit of budhism and also christianity....but this guy im with has been a christian all along....not that there is any problem ther....but i was just thinking, how is the future going to be for us?? imagine if we get married....what a confusion that would be....i always dreamt of a beautiful indian wedding with the settings like a bollywood movie....hehe....but i guess if i do marry him, il have to compromise and have a typical church wedding....how sad....hehe....

but i guess that is just the minor factors in this matter....in my opinion, the major factor would be my identity after marrige....where would i stand?? and what about the kids?? what faith would they hold on to?? so many questions with answers that only time can answer....the picture above sums up what im going through....a bride dressed in a wedding gown looking in a mirror and seeing her indian side as a reflection....hehe....dont get me wrong here okie....i have no problems with the religion difference....i have actually already accepted the difference....i respect him and his faith but i would never let go of my own believes....i wouldnt be with him if i havent right?? hehe....

my only hope of the future is that the both of us will compromise and not make this difference such a big deal in our lives....a little mixing and matching is always welcomed right....and what law says you can only practise one religion at heart?? after all, religion is no big matter to me anyways....who cares what religion you are as long as you believe in god and dont cause harm to others....after all, as i have seen with my own eyes....its love and trust and understanding that will hold a marrige together....not the faiths you hold on to....be it of whatever mix of race, culture, or religion....as long as love and respect is present, things can go a long way....i think most of you will agree with that....

well....whatever the future brings, i hope it will be good for me....hehe....as for now....i am pretty happy with the way things are going....if things remain this way, i guess i wont have much of a problem in the future....but then again....we havent involved the parents yet....i guess the real drama would start then....hehe....no offence arr prince charming....its just some things that run around in my head....but you know your parents wont like the idea of an inter-religion marrige....you are really gonna have to fight to convince them.... *wink* i love you anyways okie....muaxXx

okies people....i have practically crapped too much today....and you all are gonna have to read bout my arguements against myself....hehe....i just love debating with my ownself....dont know where it leads me but it does help get me to see things a little clearer....hehe....sorry for making you all read bout it okie....so i think ill stop here....till the next time my fingers meet the keyboard....thanks again for reading my crap....ciaozZz

A Broken Promise....

You said that you loved me....
It was so easy for you to say....
But you failed to prove it....
As soon as temptation came your way....

As she made her way through....
Did you stopped to think of me....
Is it over what we had between me and you....
Is it the end of " we " ....

You said it was not true....
Breaking hearts is not your style....
But how can you deny...
When the proof is infront of me in a pile....

I thouht of the time you talked bout love and care....
As i looked in your eyes, the eyes of a cheat....
You played me out, like i wasnt even there....
Thanks to you, in her eyes...i see my defeat...

You promised me that we would last forever....
And I believed your words were true....
But the words that you had spoken....
Seemed to have been forgotten by no one else but YOU....

A Little More...

these months of separation we are in....
is probably the closest we have ever been....
as days go by and time soar....
i'll miss you all a little more....

the times we shared are momories of the past....
i just realised that time is movin to fast....
as days go by and time soar....
i'll miss you all a little more....

four months of distance is a long time....
but im glad to know i have friends to call mine....
as days go by and time soar....
i'll miss you all a little more....

i dread the day our ways will part....
for you all hold a dear place in my heart....
as days go by and time soar....
i'll miss you all a little more....

we have a relationship worth to treasure....
in times or heart ache and also in leisure....
as days go by and time soar....
i'll miss you all a little more....

times together is what we all adore....
and im sure thats what we are looking forward for....
to catch up, strenghten, and restore....
the relationship we have, right from the core....

as days go by and time soar....
i'll miss you all a little more....


****this goes out to my friends that are worth calling friends....those who never fail to give me a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on in times of joy and also sorrow....you all know who you are....thanks for not disappointing me and living up to the friendship we have...i know the poem may sound abit lame....but hey, i tried didnt i?? hehe.... love ya all loads....muaxXx****

Something For A Couple Of Loosers

To Whom It May Concern....

firstly, what do you think of yourself?? an angle sent down from heaven?? clear from sins and wrong doing?? well, if that is what you were having in mind, then i suggest you wake up and smell the stench of your rotting heart....how can you even ignore it??? the stench is so strong that even i can smell it from this distance....you just make me puke....

what right do you think you have to run your mouth and say the things you said?? have you no sense of ethics or morale?? havent your mother ever told you to watch what you say and keep shut if you are not sure of what you are about to say?? you call yourself a follower of God...and yet you are still unclear about His teachings....hmmm....hmmm....hmmm....well, just a reminder....lesson one is not to do bad to others....even if that person is your enemy....but you....wow....you have backstabbed a friend to impress others....what an achievement.... congratulations....

what you are playing with is fire....and you are making the others who listen and join you to sin as well....how selfish can one get??? i really have no idea what kind of pleasure you obtain from seeing others suffer from your doings....have you no sense of friendship?? probably not...for if you did, i wont be here writing this would i?? sister....thats what you addressed me as....and now look what you are doing to your so called sister....you are just so screwed up....

well, if you think you are winning now and you are happy....just keep on a look out okays....cause your glory days will come to an end....the people you call friends will leave you all alone....and you will have no one to turn to....you will just be a sick lonely screwed up soul....probably then you will realise your mistakes...but then again...what are the odds of that?? hmmm....just keep in mind you will pay for every deed you are doing...and for all your effort of screwing other people's lives....you have won the first prize in the form of a ticket to burn in hell....enjoy your trip....may you rot in pieces....

God Is Watching You...

Sincerely,
The Disappointed

Life Oh Life....

hello people....for the first time im writing a blog from my home....wow....what an accomplishment....hehe....actually kinda had a mental block in office....wanted to write but had no clue what so ever on what to write....i only got an idea on my way back from office....hehe....so here i am....

life oh life....i cant help but be amused by life and its miracles....something is always planned and there is no way you can guess what is going to happen next....just as you think that you have got everything under control and planned out....life takes another jump to an unknown and unexpected lane....and you are left to start from scratch again....hehe....amazing and fascinating....

take me for example....a few days back...if you would have asked me, i would have told you my plan for the whole week....actually i could have summarized for the whole month if you wanted....but hehe....as i said, life had something else planned....and here i am having to make a whole new schedule for myself for the whole week....

i could have sworn i had my whole life and actions planned out....i knew exactly what to do and when i should do it....but i woke up today with a different view on things....now im going totally against my own plans just because it feels right....yeah....how fickle a human can be....hehe....

well i guess destiny does exist....i know everyone has his or her own opinion on how destiny works....and im one of those who believes that i make my own destiny....but then again, all my decisions tend to be influenced by some unknown factor that at times, goes against my own liking....hehe....how mysterious....and yet things always end up the right way....probabily better than i have expected....guess thats just gods way of helping us and at the same time make us feel independent....i like that person up there....*wink*

to someone out there....you know who you are....if you are reading this....im sorry for what i said to you online okie....yeah probabily it was abit overboard for me....but what you did wasnt nice as well....i hope you realise that....anyway i realise there is no use in what we are doing....if i did wrong i will pay for it somehow...and if you are in the wrong you will pay for it....thats just the rules of nature right....no use wasting the friendship we have over that....hehe....so i hope we can still be friends....but my conditions still stand okies....message me sometime if you are okie with stuff....

okies then....i crapped what i wanted already...and i think i should stop here....need to go watch the television....hehe....yeah, i love the tv....so till the next time my fingers meet a keyboard....thanks for reading my crap....ciao

Pages From My Diary....

***A little something for a special someone***

Life without him...

would be like a dream...

i could never imagine....

Life without him....
the amount of freedom i will get....
spread my wings and fly away like a little bat...

Life without him....
no more questions, no more orders....
i'll be the queen who decides her own borders....

Life without him....
no more hurt, no more tears....
i can wipe away all those hidden fears....

Life without him....

no more broken promises or lack of trust....

life would be free from all this fuss....

Life without him....
would be healing from within....
self respect and self dignity i would redeem....

Life without him....
nothing else would be in my way....
i wont even give a damn about what others might say....

but...

Life without him....
wouldnt be the life i want to be in....
because he is my life, my world, my dream....
and my everything is only with him....

Sleepy Sleepy Me...hehe

hello people....hehe....well im back at my office now after lunch....just got my pc replaced....my old one was taken to be used in a training program by my company....it had some software they needed it seems....but its okie...got a replacement already but hope i can get my old one back soon....got too many files in there....all my hard work....hehe...

yawn....i just had a really good lunch and came back here....feeling a little heavy on the eyelids....hehe....had "nasi kandar"....and it reminded me of someone....hmmm....zubaidah and nasi kandar....well, what to do....guess its just life's principles.... every good thing will eventually come to an end....miss you....

okies people....need to get back to my storybook now...."Sari & Sins"....pretty interesting story of a mixed social group of people....hehe....till next time...ciao

Dear Diary....

***An interesting piece....thsk thsk....

i am in a confused state now...too many emotions rolled into one....
i miss him....i long to be in his arms again....to feel his warmth....to smell the sweetness of his breath....
but how am i suppose to forget...that it is that very arms that pushed me away....
that very arm that i see her in everyday replacing me.....

i wish to hear his voice again...the soothing voice that always makes me feel safe....
the voice i can hear even if he doesnt speak....the voice that tells me everything is going to be okie....
but how am i supposed to forget...that it is that very voice that was raised on me....
that very voice that made me feel afraid again....

how i wish that i could feel his lips....that soft tender lips that always makes me feel at home....
a soft passionate kiss that can drive all my worries away....
but how am i suppose to forget....it was from that lips that insults were thrown at me....
that very lips....that tore me apart with words....

i wish that i could look into that eyes again....that warm hazel eyes that thaught me the meaning of love....the eyes i could look at for hours without realising so much time has passed....
but how am i supposed to forget....that it was that eyes that flashed anger at me....that very eyes that i learnt the meaning of hate from....

i miss him more everyday....i long for the days when he was here....talking bout love and life....
i miss the times when he said "i love you....and always will....no matter what"....
but how can i forget....when he said "i dont love you....i hate you"....
how can i forget the words he used on me just to defend her....how can i forget that just to defend himself....he literally pushed me to the floor and spat on me like i never mattered ever.....

i miss those days when he was mine....
but how can i deny....maybe he never was mine to start off with....

i need you....
but i guess i have only myself to trust and rely on....
i miss you....
but i dont think that matters anymore.....

Love this song...

was passing time listening to this song....and though time has passed so much and this song is now considered old...i still love it....it has a meaning that is sooo deep and i can totally relate to...love this song....

"Frozen"


You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open

[Chorus:]

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key


Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open


[chorus]


You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open


[chorus, repeat]


If I could melt your heart

Hoobastank Did It Again...

hehe....morning people....and the morning update is that i am sleepy as i didnt sleep well last night....and yeah, france won the match against portugal with a 1-0 scoreline....it was from a penalty....so its gonna be a france-italy finals....viva italia....hehe....

on my way to work today, i was listening to the radio....the mix.fm morning show....for they give a good coverage on the world cup in the mornings....pretty entertaining....and then i heard hoobastanks song "If I Were You" playing....well, it had the same effect as "The Reason" did on me...hehe....a nice song with nice lyrics coupled with a good tune....the lyrics did mean alot to me....it kind of got me thinking bout how little we actually appreciate what we have....and also how often we complain about the smallest things that in the end of the day actually doesnt mean anything to us....

dont worry...im going to be as sweet as i usually am and share the lyrics with you all....if you have the chance to catch this song on the radio or something....just maybe listen to it and tell me what you think of it okie....hehe....

"If I Were You"

You seem to find the dark when everything is bright

You look for all thats wrong instead of all thats right

Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade

You never say a word unless its to complain

Its driving me insane

If i were you

Holding the world right in my hands

The first thing i'd do

Is thank the stars for all that i have

If i were you

Look what surrounds you now

More than you ever dreamed

Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be

So whats it going to take

For you to realize

It all could go away in one blink of an eye

It happens all the time

If i were you
Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing i'd do
Is thank the stars for all that i have
Tell the world i love that i do

If i were you

So whats it going to take

For you to realize

It all could go away in one blink of an eye

It happens all the time

If i were you

Holding the world right in my hands

The first thing i'd do

Is thank the stars above

For the world i love

Take a breath and enjoy the view

Live the life that i've wanted to

If i were you

sorry for the color okie....just too into the world cup mood already....hehe....and yeah....thanks for your time again....arrivederci

L'Italia ha dato dei calci all'asino della Germania

wakaka....GO AZZURRI!!! yeap yeap...sono molto molto felice....hehe....that means i am very very happy in italian...i cant believe it....they are in the finals....and oh yeah...the title means italy kicked germany' s ass...hehe.....as what the commentator of the match said, italy always makes it to the finals of the world cup every 12 years once....and that a very true fact for they were featured in the finals in the years - 1970, 1982, 1994 and now 2006...their two late goals at the end of extra time crushed the host nation, Germany's hopes of lifting the cup this time around....this is also the first time germany has suffered defeat in Dortmund, the stadium they had always been victorious in....

italy played well i would say...not as good as they can be but just enough to cut germany out....well according to my dad, they had a good strategy as they did not let the germans play their game....the game was quite interesting in a matter of fact....so for all those out there who always say that a match with italy in it will be boring since they play a very defensive game, guess they would have a different opinion after yesterdays match....for italy not only defended well, but also played a fair share of attack....

the first half was a pretty interesting one...there we saw a different style of game that italy played....even my dad, who is not really an italy fan, agreed that they played well during the first half...the second half saw a different game....the defensive style was on again....hehe....then it was getting a bit boring for germany plays a defensive game as well...hehe....but anyhow, no goals was scored during this time....there were shots and tries...but none were converted....

then the extra time begin....italy knew they couldnt afford to take germany to penalty shootouts....for unlike england...hehe....germany has pretty good penalty takers....and going into penalty shootouts would be a risk for italy....the extar time was really entertaining....italy attacked alot especially through pirlo and del piero....sadly, most shots were either over the bar or was miss-aimed....but they sure did attack and tried more than the germans did....for that effort, i think they deserved to win....the germans were probabily already forgetting that they had a match to play and were preparing for penalty shootouts....for they did not attack much...all their attacks came from a few counter attacks that did not really show much effort put into....

guess the italians have gotten used to the idea of late goals for this world cup...hehe....for example, against australia, they scored their winning goal at the 94th minute....even though it was a penalty, but it was still last minute....same thing happened again here....the winning goal was scored at the 119th minute....just a minute before the extra time is over....and the man responsible for this is Fabio Grosso....the goal was a wonderful one....one of the good goal of the tournament....it was a real relief for all the italian fans...finally the suspense was over...and italy was 80% through to the finals....hehe...

of course the germans wouldnt have sat on it since they really wanted to carry the cup at their home grounds....there were still some time left to the game including injury time before the game is over....the germans started to attack, desperate for an equalizer and at least a chance with a penalty shootout....guess they were too into attacking that they forgot about their defence....hehe....not even two minutes after the first goal, italy scored another one at the 121th minute from a counter attack by Del Piero...hehe....and with that, the victory for the azzurri was sealed....l'Italia è nei finali....hehe....

sono molto molto felice....hehe....tonights match is against portugal and france....and the winner here would face the azzurri in the finals on sunday for the world cup....im rooting on portugal since i like them better than france....but we can never know what france will come up with....due to all the collective experience they have in the team, i would not count them out for playing in the finals....we all saw what happened with brazil rite....hehe....anyhow, just hope that no matter who wins.....italy will play better and fulfill the dreamz of the millions of the azzurri fans by carrying the cup for the fourth time....hehe....il nostro supporto è con voi....mostrici di che cosa siete fatti....va l'Italia

till the next time my fingers meet the keyboard....thanks for your time spent on reading my crap....hehe....arrivederci

Wake Me Up When September Ends....

wow....amazingly a month has passed....its july already??? YAHOO!!! hehe...sorry people for being too excited....hehe....i guess you all can see how happy i am that this training has only got like 3 months to finish...cant wait cant wait....been counting the days ever since day one....haih just cant take it la...work life is not my kind of life...hehe..

4 months of work...*phew*...cant believe i actually went through a quarter of it...hehe....it wasnt easy though...the feeling of being a stranger...all alone in a place unknown...with a whole bunch of new people...god knows how they will welcome you rite....hehe...

well my bunch of workmates here are tempremental...hehe....yeah, its as if they have PMS or something....i just cant put my finger on how the actually feel bout me working here....one part of the day they are so so friendly...and another part they totally ignore you....hehe....yeah, thats what i face most of the time....guess cause im the trainee here...a junior to add up to it....dont get much acknowledgement from the people...hehe...yes they do talk and teach me stuff...but, well i dunno....i guess they are just not comfortable with a new person around since they have been here for nearly 2 years now....thank god i oni have 3 workmates with me....cant imagine if it was a big company....hehe....

did i face any difficulties?? well yes....and quite a number of it...hehe...started off with with the working hours...its supposed to be from 8.30am to 5.30pm....i reach here by 8am since my dad drops me everyday....and i sit alone in the office until 9am....and thats because...yeah, your right...no one comes in till that time...hehe...and the there was the supervisor change....yeah, my supervisor resigned just a week after i signed up as a trainee....hehe....i wonder if its because of me....hmmm....hehe....probabily not....i brought him luck actually....cause he got an offer from INTEL the day i came in....hehe....

and yeah...how can i forget..the biggest of the biggest problem here...hehe....no one...and i mean no one....from the HR department knew i was employed by the company...hahaha...what are the odds of that...hehe...but yeah, its true....every bit of it....they had no idea i was here as my previous supervisor didnt make a call to them like he was supposed to the day i came in for work...so i did not get my offer letter from them either (still havent got it yet...hehe)....thankfully the big bosses came down from india and kL for a routine meeting and found out this error....so now i guess things will be okie...still waiting for my letter....hehe...

and yeah...to close this chapter of my blog...for all you out there who calls me a small kid...hehe....i got news for you....no one here thought the same way....they said i looked young but i fit in....i dont look like a school kid....hehe...promise thats what they said....even the big bosses thought i was a permanent worker and not a trainee...so there you go....i am a big girl...hehe....oops...i meant lady...hehe...thanks again for your time...peace out

?!? Brazil LOST???

hello...ill skip the office and sleepy part today...because that is practically the mood im in and the place i am when i write my blogs...its gonna be like that until the end of september...when this boring and most un-interesting chapter of my university life ends...industrial training...haih, what a drag...hehe...

well well well...i am still in shock with the fact that brazil lost to france in the quarter finals...totally unexpected...OMG! you see what i mean...its just so hard to digest....how can brazil, the football kings go down in a match...considering the fact they have never lost a match since France '98 to france in the finals...and history repeated itself again...they lost to france again...my my my....

all i can say is that i am so totally disappointed with brazil for their defeat and the performance they showed...there wasnt even a single moment that made me feel like they were the world champions that took the cup four years ago...after all, they had like 70% the same team as four years ago....but the performance was not even up to par....its amazing how france kept brazil tied down through the whole time....i guess they did play well....all the years of experience in the squad did get them somewhere....

zidane manage to set up a shot for henry which he converted for the match's solitare goal....and yeah...for the first time i actually saw roberto carlos tired of running....guess france did get the best of brazil...it really was a heart breaking moment...brazil is out of the world cup...OUT...it still feels funny to say for it was never expected...not in a million years....hmmmm....

the match between england and portugal was a fun one....i expected england to go down from the start...but i must say....i have to give them credit fo their performance cause for the first time, they did play well....not sooo good....but at least better than they have ever played so far....and yeah, though rooney's red card is so called bad refreeing....but i dont care....it wouldnt have made a difference if he played or if he didnt...cause he is so overated....as they say in malay, "indah khabar dari rupa"....i think they did better without him in....well thats my opinion anyhow...

so brazils out...and its left to italy, german, france, and portugal to win the cup....hmmm...an all european semi-finals....how would the outcome be?? hehe...i dont dare guess...after seeing all the upsets in this world cup....it could be anyone's win....hehe....but im still rooting for azzurri....im a fan of theirs you see....hehe....just hoping for the best....hope their level of football would increase now since its so close to the finals already....just keeping my fingers crossed...hehe

thank you for reading my crap again...till next time....arrivederci (pssst, by the way....thats bye in italian...hehe)