Confessions....

i surrendered myself to you....
i gave you all the love that i could....
you promised me that you were true....
and to keep me happy, is what you would....

i tried my best, to be your best....
giving you importance, putting you as priority....
but your doings has left me feeling depressed....
that now, i live everyday with self pity....

i wont say that i regret our days together....
for i did learn alot, about love and also pain....
you truely were my weakness for that matter....
but if only, from hurting me, you would refrain....

you probably didnt mean to hurt me....
you were just thinking about your own self....
but the pain you have caused, you cant see....
it is only i who can feel, just me for myself....

you have given me the happiness i never knew before....
showed me the kind of music, that love can play....
at the same time, you led me to pains door....
ever so often, that for me, it has become a cliché....

for all the things i have been through with you....
i know for a fact, i can be like you anytime....
but even with all the sweet things that you do....
you cant be me, not even in a lifetime....

in spite of all, my feelings are only for you....
and what i feel for you will forever remain....
but that does not justify the things that you do....
for i am still human, and i too can feel pain....

Merdeka?!?

in a days time will be the 31th of August 2006....that would also be the day all Malaysian celebrate the day our country got its independence....MERDEKA....hehe....well i still remember how excited we would be during this day when we were kids....it was like a real big celebration where we will be able to buy a flag with tiny bead sweets in it....hehe....and run around the whole place screaming "Merdeka!!" at the top of our lungs....and not forgetting in school....where the whole day would be dedicated to this occation with performances and food and class parties....no classes for the whole day....YAHOO!!!!

and how to forget my most memorable merdeka celebrations....especially in form 4 and 5....haha.... i still remember the ammount of effort the whole class put in to actually win the competition of the nicest decorated class with the merdeka theme....i still remember how we went all out in the decorations with loads of flags all over the class and all....hehe....we didnt win it in form 4....but we sure did take the 1st place in form 5....now that was fun fun fun....hehe.... the next favourite merdeka of mine was in university with my bunch of batz....hehe....we had a heart to heart talk on the eve night while watching this bunch of mat rempit's do stupid stunts.... and on that morning we all had lunch at jusco and actually walked all the way back to campus after that....aahhh!!! the sweet memories....hehe....

i read an article in the paper some time back....dont remember exactly when actually....but the topic was about the patriotism of the current community we live in....according to some minister ....school kids are more patriotic that adults in this generation....they are very patriotic in school but it kind of wears out as they grow older....i find what he said ver true indeed....dont you?? cause as i mentioned above....when i was young, this occation was much awaited like a celebration....but even me myself have experienced the lack of patriotism as the age becomes a bigger number....

but then again....what do they expect?? for the community to become more patriotic as they grow older?? hmmm....all i can say is, when we were smaller....we were innocent and ignorant about things around us....all we wanted was to celebrate and enjoy....but as we grow older, we become wiser and more observent about the happenings around us....we understand the things going on around....and we learn to react....i think many of you out there will have the same opinion like me....for it is true....

has anyone noticed the lack of patriotism especially for this merdeka celebration?? i dont know bout other places....but here in perai, its too obvious....so few of cars with the flag on....and seriously speaking....i dont really feel the merdeka mood on....the only reason im counting down to merdeka is beacuse then it will be only a month left for my practical to be over....hehe....just counting down to my own merdeka actually....hehe....i know most of my friends are doing the same as well....cant wait....cant wait....

as for the country....we are nearing the celebration of 50 years of independence....but it looks like the country is in a worse shape than it was when it was just granted its independence....a sad fact....the racial differences seem more obvious now than it was then....and that is not caused by the community....but the government that rule this country....as much as we know it....the condition of the government influences the minds of the society as well as the younger generations....so indirectly, all these frictions between the leaders would contribute on the way of thinking of the public....

so many things we read about leaders....discrimation among races....segregation among the people because of religion and skin color....the harsh language used to show disrespect on others believes....and lets not forget the preasure and tension placed on the public with the raise of prices for everything....but not the income of the public....sad sad....how long can the public take all this?? hmmm....

we are nearing the 50th year of independence....but has our country really achived total independence?? hmmm....nothing personal against the country....but maybe the leaders or the country should learn to be more respectful and treat all malaysians equally....and also start thinking about the good for the public....but anyways, we still love our country....so everybody together now....MERDEKA!!! MERDEKA!!! MERDEKA!!!

The Trouble With People....

somethings in life, may seem very simple....
and in your eyes, answers may be ample....
but look at it in another persons view....
there may be hidden things, attached to it too....

there are a few simple questions in life....
that could have a meaning sharper than a knife....
like what is love if there is no trust??
is having a special friend just a trend thats a must??

do you think you are great, just because your born big??
does that give you the right to assume others are weak??
how can you say something you claim you didnt mean??
is saying sorry good enough to make you come clean??

do you think highly of yourself if you are born fair??
does that mean you can carry that arrogance that you wear??
does being male give you the though you can dominate??
when you cant even prove yourself to be a good bedmate??

do you think you are the most beautiful girl the world has seen??
when you know for a fact, that you are a bitch from within??
why do you always tend to look for other peoples faults??
while carefully burying and hiding yours in secret vaults??

how can you claim that, as a person, you are one of a kind??
when you only have your own importance, forever on your mind??
do you always think, that your wrong doings only caused a little tear??
without realising that the damages you caused, are beyond repair??

should i take your ignorance as a problem of your mental??
or could it be that you realise, but prefer living in denial??
why are you forever consumed by blind jealousy??
is there truely a valid reason causing your insecurity??

you think highly of yourself, are you what the world needs??
are you the cream of the crop, or just another one of those weeds??
who gave you the rights to run your mouth and criticize others??
you have not proved yourself, so whats the use of your blabbers??

the many defects, the imperfection of humans....
who tend to talk more, than they do with actions....
they live a life filled with revenge, filled with greed....
on others pain and suffering, are what they feed....

is this the kind of society we want to live in??
where everyone thinks they are the greatest living being??
they criticeze and they judge every other person....
and their preferences changes depending on the season....

Lonely....

i close my eyes, and i see you....
with all the cute and crazy things you do....
i open my eyes, and you are still there....
looking directly at me, with so much care....
all this time, i have been your shining star....
it hurts me so, now that we are so far....

the smell of your breath, the touch of your hand....
those loving arms, where i often safely land....
we are miles away, my feelings at bay....
this painful fact, totures me everyday....
i long to be with you, close by your side....
and in your warm embrace, i can quietly hide....

the warmth of your kiss, the softness of your lips....
makes my heart weak, with the many beat it skips....
the feel of your hand, placed lovingly on my body....
makes you a permanent resident, of my heart's lobby....
oh, some of the many thing about you that drives me wild....
including the innocents you possess, just like a child....

i long to glide my hands through your hair....
and shower you with kisses and love and care....
i long to stare into your eyes, share your pain....
and fall in love with you, all over again....
i long to be with you again, just for today....
to wipe all this longing and feelings away....

i know you want me, as much as i want you....
for we share the same heart, though bodies are two....
loving you is my destiny, and also my speciality....
to surrender yourself to me, that is your responsibility....
so stop wondering about, and bring yourself to me....
what happens next?? well, ill leave that up to your creativity....
(hehe)

Friendship....

a friend in need....
is definately a friend indeed....
that was how i always knew it....
ever since i was a primary school kid....

i grew up with friends so many....
some were nice, most were bitchy....
some were laidback, some were pushy....
most of the time, my friends were crappy....

a true friend is ever so hard to find....
a shoulder to cry on is one of a kind....
to share the same heart, though not the same mind....
a realtionship where care and respect bind....

it was only that after i met you....
that i finally managed to get a preview....
all said about bestfriends are actually true....
as our friendship, beautifully grew....

you gave me the reason to proudly stand tall....
you stood behind me like a towering wall....
you gave me support to face it all....
always helping me up whenever i fall....

i dont know if i mean as much to you as you do to me....
but i hope, bestfriends is what we will remain to be....
for you have been a true friend from what i can see....
not selfish, not self-centered, and without jealousy....

so my dear friend, this poem is for you, especially....
you make it worth while to celebrate friendship day yearly....
im glad to have you with me through this journey....
and now my friend, its time for you to shake your
BOOTY.....

Misunderstood....

It appears to be so simple for some to judge others in the world we live in today....every one has his or her own say about how others should and shouldnt be....someone could have a clean sheet all his life....but due to one mistake made....it wont matter anymore....for the mistake will infact be more obvious to the public eye compared to all the good he has done once upon a time....what you were yesterday is forgotten....and what you are today is what matters....a strange but true way of life that has been adopted by this community....

this has resulted in many of us going around wearing masks instead of being who we actually are....who we are in the inside is burried deep inside and we show a stronger, different kind of front to the world....we are just to scared to show the real us....we fear of rejection, hurt, being taken advantage of, look down upon....thats some of us....then there is also the kind that pretend to be what they are not to win admiration from fellow peers....they try to be what they are not just to show how cool and sociable they are when in real life, they are nothing much than what i call kampung boys (p/s: that applies for gals too....but they would be kampung gals)....

i may look at someone today and have the thought, "oh, he is just stuck up"....my opinion on that would be because of the way this person carries himself....maybe he has a little trouble smiling at others....or maybe he is not too friendly as i would have expected normal people to be....but then again, do i really know him to judge so about him?? probably in his life, he has faced so many rejections by the people around him that he has lost hope in the society....thus, making him see no point in being friendly or smiling at people....what good would such a gesture do him....if looked at things from this angle....he is not stuck up....he is just trying to protect himself from the world....but that doesnt means this applies for everyone out there....some ARE jus plain stuck up....

today you might meet someone who cant seem to accept her mistakes....and that would irritate you so much that you would think of this girl as someone who thinks too highly of herself and cant seem to accept others point of views....that can be true till some point....but then again, perhaps she is just one of those people that has been stepped on all her life and she learnt that the only way she would get some respect around is to fight for what she thinks is right....the only problem could be that, probably she just dont know when she should stop fighting....this is due to fear of being stepped on again....she is just standing up for what she feels....for that is the only way she knows on how to make people listen and pay attention to her....that doesnt make her a bad person....she is just a victim of the society....

i know i have been in a situation where i have misunderstood someone....most of the misunderstandings i have done happens to be total opposite compared to the purpose of my blog today....i always misunderstand people as good people....worth while friends, understanding people, thrustworthy individuals....but then im always proven wrong at the end of the day as they all turn out the total opposite of what i assumed....sad but true....but then this is not one of those examples....i always had this thought of this person that this person is selfcentered and only thinks for the good of this person solely....i thought this person was an attention seeker....i thought this person couldnt care less about others....but it was when i knew the life story of this person, that was when i understood where this person was coming from....

lets call this person "A"....i found out that A grew up in a family where A wasnt given much attention....probably the parents were to busy to tend A's needs that A had to think and take care of A's self....A grew up like that....that explains why A always looks self centered....A didnt have anyone else to think of A's needs and feelings....A had to do it all alone....as for the attention part....duh!! isnt it obvious....A grew up with no attention given to A....for sure A would want all the attention available....the poor thing is thirsty for attention....after knowing this....i dont think they way i used to anymore about A....i feel that A needs to be given love and attention and care....and slowly, but surely....with time, A will change for the better....

so many people....with so many different characters....what we are today was constructed years back even since we were toddlers....so many aspects make us who we are today....some of us are lucky enough to go through this life with nearly nothing to worry about....good parents, good friends, good education, good bringing up....but then again, not everyone can be that lucky....its the mental toture that make a bad behaviour....all scars from the past that cant seem to fade....some makes us a better person....and some makes some of us hide inside a cocoon to sheild ourselves from the world....fearing that the same might happen again....some people are not bad....they are just misunderstood....because of the nature of the cocoon they hide in and also they reason it was built....and it is only we who can help them breakfree....but sadly, we always push them deeper inside by our blind judgements....

who are we to judge after all?? we are not God....and we are not perfect either....maybe we should all take a good and honest look at ourselves and the kind of people we are....before we go around making assumptions and conclusions and judgements about the way others are and how they could be....for the first step to making the world a better, place starts by making oursleves a better person....

Idols....

hey peepz....well im finally done with my work for the day....actually more like done with the work for the whole training...hehe....i wish....so now that i got some free time and i am feeling kinda bored as well....here i am again to crap my thoughts out....hehe....enough of programming already for the day....it was fun but i guess i need a break too since it can be very demanding at times.... now im all set for my secret mission...."what that?" i hear you ask....hehe....sorry but i cant tell....ts a surprise for someone....once i have surprised that person....then maybe ill share it with you all okie....for those of you out there who knows, please keep it a secret for me until its okie to tell it out....hehe....thanks


okie well....this is my routine everyday....i will follow my dad to work at 8 am and wait there until 8.30am before coming to my office since i only start work then....so while waiting, i would read the news paper to kill time....why am i telling all this?? hehe....well cause my post today has to do with something i read in the papers yesterday....hehe....i was reading the paper yeasterday morning, when i came across this section where kids would send in their drawings and short essays....this weeks topic was about their idols....and i saw so many many kids with idols such as linsay lohan, britney spears, paris hilton, and the list goes on....they were writing about how they want to grow up to be exactly like their idols....they things they want to do....and the life they want to live....

that got me thinking bout me when i was that age....i had loads of idols as well....i wanted to be like every successful celebrity that made it big....hehe....makes me feel stupid thinking bout the dreams i had once upon a time....but then, i bet all of us went through that stage right....even though most would like to forget it since its so embarassing....hehe....but then sometimes they are sweet memories....for they remind us of what we were like and what we have become....i still can remember all the people i wanted to be like....i wont disclose any names to keep my face.... hehe....its a secret people....

okie okie...back to the point of this post....looking back on what i wanted to be and what i have become....sad to say....none of my then idols actually contributed anything....not in the look i carry....the character i have....or even the way i think....not even a bit....and i dont think many of us actually do become like our celebrity idols....we actually turn out totally different....the reason?? well, from my own confession....my choice of idols were based on physical attractiveness....if they looked good, i wanted to be them....if they were slim....i wanted to be them....i didnt really care about the personality they had....or the image they potrayed....or even the kind of person they are in life....i was just attracted to how they looked....thats why my idols kept changing all the time....

i would say my real idols were probably my family and sum friends when i was young....my family still are my idols....cause till today i still do try to follow some traits from them....as for friends....i think i have grown up enough to know what to follow and what not to....so i seldom try to be like friends anymore....for i prefer to be my own person....unique and different....i have my own personality and style people....hehe....and my preferences are also very much different from the people around me....but that doesnt make me or them bad....that makes us different and that connects us more as individuals....since as the saying goes "opposites attract".... variety makes a better flavour....ill agree on that....hehe....

okies peeps....i need to pack up now....time for me to leave this office and head back to my home sweet home....am kind of hungry already....need tea time....hehe....just wanted to share my thoughts with you all and thats exactly what i did....i wrote all that came out from my head without any censorship....hehe....ill rate it 18 PL perhaps....hehe....just kidding....so ill take my leave here....till we meet again in this .::Mystical Knots::. of mine....take care and thanks for your time....ciaozZz

I Would Look Back At Today....

i would look back on today....
as the day things went against my way....
my love was betrayed, all known friends have let go....
who was i to turn to, i did not even know....
i looked up at the sky, calling God's name....
is this what He meant by He loved us all the same??

i turn around and see people as happy as can be....
if someone were to suffer, why should it always be me??
i have been through so much, couldnt He see??
why cant He find someone else, and just let me be??
i hate you God, for you have been so unfair....
even if the others defend You, no more do i care....

................................................................................................

i would look back on today....
as the day i have found my way, i can finally say ...
my own efforts, my own sweat, my own knowledge....
without Your help, i have made my own image....
i stand tall, looking down at the world and its people....
fame, wealth, and respect i have obtained from all angle....

i was always told that You would stand behind me....
lead me through the darkness when i cannot see....
but i know i have proved all Your believers wrong...
You did not stand by me, but i have still emerged strong....
i have made it on my own, and i did not need You....
i realised that today, tomorrow the world would too....

..............................................................................................

i would look back at today....
as the day that, again, i begin to pray....
i had everything i wanted, it was all with me....
revengeful and greedy, that was all that i could be....
i lost faith in You, and i never wanted to look back....
i was in denial all the way, i was trying to deny the facts....

You stood by me all the way, till i reached my peak....
You showed me my way, never allowing me to feel weak....
You made me suffer yesterday, so i could learn for today....
but i have misunderstood You, and i have gone astray....
letting go of my pain, i finally could see all the blessing infront of me....
i thank you Lord, thank you for being there for me, in the form of FAMILY....

Supergurl....

to be in love truely....
is the best feeling ever....
but if you were to hurt me....
baby, i will forgive you never....

baby, i am no super girl....
so dont hurt me if u can...
baby, i am no super girl....
especially if you are my man....

a small, shy, and fragile gurl....
that is simply just what i am....
show me love and your my world....
you will be my one and only man....

baby, i am no super girl....
so dont hurt me if u can...
baby, i am no super girl....
especially if you are my man....

if you were to lose trust....
that means you have lost faith in us....
then to go your own way you must....
before things get any worse....

baby, i am no super girl....
so dont hurt me if u can....
baby, i am no super girl....
especially if you are my man....

for us to be through....
is not what i have planned....
but you need to understand too....
how am i to live with an un-trusting man....

baby, i am no super girl....
please dont hurt me if u can...
baby, i am no super girl....
because YOU are my one and only man....

Have You Ever??

hey peepz....whats been up?? i have been pretty bummed up for the whole week....things just seem to be going out of my hands....hate the things going on with me and also around me....hehe....no im not complaining or anything....just letting out what im feeling inside so maybe i will be able to feel better once i have this off my chest....hehe....and just for the record....there are good things going on as well that i appreciate....but you see....the sad irritating things are the one's that bother you arent they....so hence, this entry....hehe....

have you ever felt betrayed by the one you trusted so much to be by your side and stand by you?? the person whom you wont hesitate to confide in with all your problems and also happiness....well, i have....once upon a time....trusted and cared for this person all the time....that was until i was let down and betrayed by the person....there was a time when i would stand up and do anything for this person....but that doesnt matter anymore....for this person have proved how worthless defending or even having friendship with this person is....what a let-down....

have you ever felt that everything around you was perfect but suddenly due to certain reasons, everything changes for the worse?? have you ever had the feeling that you are right where you want to be, with the people you want to be with....but then everything is ruined and you just dont know why its happening?? again, i have....and trust me it is not a nice feeling....its like one minute you are with family....and another minute you are like a nobody....cant really blame anyone for such situations....for everyone has the rights to make their own decisions and choices....no one should be forced....i just hope there will be no regrets in the future regarding this matter....

have you ever felt so excited by something, but only to end up disappointed a minute later by that very thing?? i have....especially when it comes to programming....hehe....imagine having everything figured out and planned....only to find out later that things arent going to go the way you thought it would....especially if you did not do anything to spoil things....i always end up asking myself....what happend?? what went wrong?? did i do something to make this happen?? but the answers to this questions often contradict with each other....so in short, i have no idea why things go wrong....they just do....

have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?? cant stand the thought of parting with that someone.... but circumstances require you to do so?? this i definately have....and its not something i would ever want to do....they say distance makes the heart grow fonder....but not that does not work in my case....instead it makes my heart grow weaker....never did like distance relationships....and would never ever either....especially since it makes us grow appart more instead of the other way around....hmmm....wish this kind of situations wont rise up again with me....but i know loads of it is actually already instore for me in the future....hope nothing bad comes out from it....*fingers crossed* ....

have you ever felt hatred for someone that it irritates you just to hear about that person?? well, again i have....especially since that person made a conclusion regarding me without even knowing what this person is talking about....this person never knew me well enough to even judge me....but felt that this person had the rights to do so....who are you to criticize me when you yourself is built of so many flaws?? especially when all the things you criticize me of are actually what you are made of....dont you realise?? for many around you realises this....or maybe you are just in denial....for you think to highly of yourself....its okie....probably you are doing and saying all this stuff just to make yourself feel better....it doesnt bother me either....for i know who i am and the people i care about knows too....so run your mouth all you please....you are bound to be uncovered anyhow....

have you ever regretted some things that you have said that ended up being misunderstood by some?? you say things with a different intention and thought....but that ends up getting misunderstood and may create problems and disrespect among others....i definately have been through many of those situations....one incident which i regreted it happened....but i dont know how i can make things better....saying something to protect one person and not actually meaning harm to the other person mentioned can really be misunderstood....what i felt was my responsibility, i did....but i think it was misunderstood for the signal that went out was that i had a personal grudge against this person....when i actually did not....i dont cause i dont even know you....i was just being protective....i meant good....but it ended up looking bad....sad sad....guess ill just stay out of things next time....

have you ever been in a situation that you are so close to someone....but you just cant make yourself to trust that person?? you know for a fact that person is all the way with you....but you just cant wondering maybe and what if....hmmm....sadly, in this situation i am that someone.... this person is so close to me and knows for a fact i would stand by this persons side....but yet, i dont know why....this person just cant seem to trust me....how do i know you ask?? well, it is kind of obvious by the way this person talks and behaves with me....i can see the care but the trust is just not there....how do i solve this?? well, honestly i dont know....i am still figuring things out myself....hope it the solution comes up soon....cause it is so frustrating to know about this matter and yet not have anything you can do about it....

well well well....so many situations....so many questions....but so few answers....i know many of you out there would know exactly what i am talking about here....about this feelings....some are fortunate enough to go through only a few ups n downs....sadly, others are just faithed to go through all these shit....and i am one of that "others"....i am not blessed to go through such situations....but neither would i say its a curse upon me....for from these experiences, i learn alot about life and also about the people we meet along the way....it is definately not pleasent learning....but it is much needed to get me through this life of mine....it makes me more matured and teaches me how to face the world.... therefore, i wont say i regret all these experience....i just wish it would have been a little easier to deal with....and it didnt hurt as much as it does....

so there....i have poured my hearts worried and disappointment out....phew!! feeling a little better already....hehe....hope things will just work themselves out and improve over time *wink*....and with that said, i think i better be putting a full stop to this post of mine....spent way too much time on it already....so ill be signing off here....till my fingers meet a keyboard....one last piece of advice....never get broken down by the things you face in your daily life....always hold your head up confidently and think positive....for what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger....ciaozZz

My Thoughts....Once Upon A Time....

you talk about love, you talk about trust....
but none of this would matter, if the both of us rush....
we need to know each other, and take our time....
clear things out first, before we make up our mind...
would we be good for each other, can i understand you??
a few things i would ponder, and i think you should too....

we have known each other for awhile....
but i cant assume i know your whole profile.....
and neither do you know me that much as well....
for its still too early for me to come out of my shell....
we are best friends, and i wont want this friendship broken....
so solely physical attraction, should not be the reason of this action....

get to know each other, understand where we come from....
for this is more serious, than you just taking me to the prom....
we come from totally different worlds, both you and i....
and there is a different set of rules, that the both of us live by....
can we adjust, are we willing to adapt and compromise??
to ensure that misunderstanding and disrespect will never arise....

i need some time to think, and i think so do you....
but dont think that i dont like you, cause believe me i do....
i just need some assurance, before i make this important move....
some reasoning of my own, that will get my parents to approve....
so dont lose any hope, while you are waiting for my answer....
i promise it wont be later, than the First Day of the Second Semester....

-Written on-
.::22nd July 2003::.
.::3.42 a.m::.

Depressing Day....

hello peepz....hows life today?? well mine is pretty bad....and sad as well....im tired, sleepy, hungry, and depressed all in one....sad sad sad....

the worse thing happened to me today....all my work from yesterday actually went missing from my desktop....imagine that....how depressing....it was there when i left yesterday and even before i left for lunch today....but now its missing and i dont know where it went....i put alot of work into it yesterday....all my system interfaces.... databases.... codings.... all gone!!! god knows how this happened but i have searched my whole pc for it but cant seem to locate it....wish i had saved it in my pendrive....but then again i never save the systems i code in my pendrive until they are nearly done....damn!!!!

now im gonna have to start from scratch all over again to build it....all my time used yesterday is totally wasted....i need to redo the forms, databases, connections....etc etc....which is alot of work and can be very irritating at the same time....im wondering if anyone deleted it from my pc....hmmm....but how am i ever going to know....eeeeeeeeee....if that is what happened....im so pissed with that person....

im definately totally depressed over this matter....plus on top of that the day seems to be crawling so slowly that five thirty seems like its never going to come....so slow la....its depressing the depressed me....huhuhuhu....thsk thsk....okies people....not really in the mood to go on typing....so i take my leave here okies....so till my fingers find another keyboard....ciaozZz

A Weekend To Remember?!?

hello peepz....im starting to feel sleepy and a little bored....so here i am....hehe....kinda got bored with the coding i was doing....started getting a headache from thinking too much....sad sad....hehe....my weekend was a pretty nice one....many nice things happened....but i felt it was too short of a weekend to have....just as i started to get started to enjoy....it was already time for monday again....yeah, i know....sad but true....hehe....

my weekend started with shopping and also ended with shopping....hehe....every girls dream weekend??? it was mine anyhow....enjoyed myself to bits....hehe....i bought tops, earings, creams, belts, and loads more....fun fun fun....hehe....especially since my sister and brother was down....miss those times....got some free stuff from my sister as well....hehe....naughty naughty me.... *wink*

talking bout people down for the weekend....guess who was down this weekend....no no....it wasnt hrithik roshan....hehe....yeah yeah....you are right....you guessed it....it was my other half....hehe....imagine that....i know many of you out there would be gasping in disbelieve right now....but yeah....it is true....he was here from saturday evening until sunday evening....finally he was introduced to my parents....for those of you who was waiting to hear my wedding bells ringing after this weekend....im sorry to inform you it wont be happening for a long time from now....he did not propose to me like he was supposed to....hehe....

what actually happened that day?? well let me start from the begining....happened to be that the saturday he came down was my parents anniversary....hehe....so he kinda tagged along in the celebration we had....nothing big though....just some family time....hehe....we went out for some penang style seafood....unfortunately, it wasnt very penang style since it did not taste that good....portuguese settlement still rocks....hehe....anyhow, it was fun since we were out as a family....the other half of mine didnt seem out of place as he was whacking away at his meal.... hehe....then we headed back home and had a weird whacky sing-song session....was supposed to go clubbing actually....since we dropped my brother off at his friends place and the rest of us were legal....hehe....but then the plan didnt work out....guess not all was up for it....i spent the whole night that day having a deep serious talk with him....hehe....since we havent met for a long long time....there was loads to catch up on....i slept only at 7.30am that day....

next day was pretty laid back....got up at 11am....then had breakfast and watched tv until lunch....mom made lovely lunch that day....chicken kurma with mutton rendang....yum yum....makes me feel hungry after thinking bout it....hehe....then we looked over my baby album and it was time for him to go back....so short na....what to do....sad sad....but it was good that he came....i think it has been a long time since we actually spent time....and this was a good opportunity....

well, after sending him on the bus....i was back to my weekend of shopping time....hehe....went shopping again and bought more stuff for myself....hehe....ok ok....stop cursing me....hehe.... dont worry, i was using my own savings for all these shopping....nothing from the parents....but some from the sister le....hehe....thanks lin....by the time we came home....i was so tired that all i could think about was to sleep....i didnt get a good sleep the night before as well....so i turned in early for a good good sleep....but im still sleepy....hehe....

like now for example....im feeling sleepy and a little bored here....just counting down the minutes till 5.30pm ....wanna know what im going through?? just read my previous post on boredom....hehe....it explains it all....im not feeling very in the mood either now....dont know why....but have a feeling of something is wrong and i dont like it....it is like i feel bad about something but i cant put a finger on what that something actually is....eeeeeeeeeeeee....benci....hehe....okies people....i guess i will stop here....half an hour more to go....need to continue counting down....hehe....so until my fingers find a keyboard again (pssst....that would most probably be tomorrow since the keyboard is forever infront me in office....hehe)....take care and god bless....ciaozZz

Boredom.....

sitting here, looking at a blank wall....
wish i was home, watching tv in the hall....
i look at my phone, wishing someone would call....
and away from my boredom, i can slowly crawl....

i look left, i look right, i look front and back....
some form of entertainment, thats what this rooms lack....
no one is around, all went out for a morning snack....
i sit alone here and play with a little thumbtack....

i lean back and think of the things that i could do....
probably a shopping spree or a romantic dinner for two....
a day at the beach and a picnic under the sky so blue....
anything would be fun, as long as it involves you....

sitting together, you and me, hand in hand....
having someone like you in my life, definately is unplanned....
you came in with your love that swallowed me like quicksand....
and now we have built, our very own fantasy love land....

the phone rang, and i was snapped back to reality....
away from my thoughts of what is and what might be....
i picked up myself, and walked over lazily....
picked up the phone, and took a message from the lady....

for the next few of months, this is the way things are going to be....
if you call it boring, there is nothing i can do, but totally agree....
until october, these four blank walls are all that i can see....
five days a week, from eight thirty till five thirty....

HAIH....THIS FEELING OF BOREDOM IS KILLING ME!!!!

Life...

hello people....whats been up lately?? hehe....nothin much in my life though....same old office and the trips back and forth....hehe....getting pretty tired and bored....but hey, it is part of my studies and i need to complete it in order to graduate....hehe....sad but true....hehe....and yeah....people i have news....my other half is coming over to meet my family....hehe....how sweet....actually he is coming to visit me but then he will be staying over at my house....im pretty excited about it....finally i can show the man i love to my family....hehe....happy happy me....wonder how things are going to be....hehe....ill pray all works out fine....hehe....im getting married soon....yahoo.... hehe....i wish la....but i guess that will only be happening in my dreams....for the next 6 years atleast....*wink*

actually i have no idea what-so-ever on the topic to post today....hehe....i am out of ideas....but then i suddenly came across this article on the web that kind of aught my attention....so i thought i would share it with you all since it does have a very nice meaning and we can learn a thing or two from it....hehe....enjoy....
========================================================

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball.

If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for equilibrium in your life.

How?!

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give in if you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other. Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chance that we learn to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give: the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly: and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

Yesterday is History. Tomorrow is a Mystery. And Today is a Gift: that’s why we call it The Present.

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interesting?? yeah....the words are very inspirational...i hope we all can take some knowledge from this and apply it in our daily life to make our lives better....i know it made me think about a few things in life....hehe....hope that applies for all of you that read this....thats all for now i guess....so ill be sign off...till next time....ciaoz

Little Voices....

i am just a little girl....

stuck in this confused world....
what is love and what is hate....
and how does this two relate....

i am just a little girl....
stuck in this betrayed world....
where family betrays family....
and yet have no guilt to live happily....

i am just a little girl....
stuck in this mean world....
where friends turn their back....
when help is needed in a stack....

i am just a little girl....
stuck in this sad world....
where greed and lust rule....
and people consider that cool....

i am just a little girl....
stuck in this cruel world....
where the true meaning of love is poluted....
and a few selfish needs have been added....

i am just a little girl....
stuck in this misleading world....
how far can i go, what more can i do....
to restore this world, i have no clue....

i am just a little girl....
stuck in this poor little world....
to pray and to hope are my only choices....
that the world would hear these little voices....

Friendship...Blessing??Curse??

hello peeps....

well, first things first.... "Happy Friendship Day" to all the friends out there....hehe....i swear i did not know anything about today being friendship day....deepu told me bout it this morning....that was when i realised....hehe...anyways, i would like to wish this to all my friends out there....hope our friendship remains ever lasting....but then again, if any of you out there thinks otherwise.... then hope your wish will come true....hehe....it could be the best for both of us rite.... *wink*

friends....hmmm....what are friends actually?? well, in my opinion, from my very own experiences....friends can be a blessing or even a curse in one's life....it just depends on what kind of friends you get....i have known friends that would give up the world for me....but i also have come across friends that aims to take away the world from me....sounds familiar?? well ofcourse...im sure you have had your own fair share of experiences as well....let's all take a closer look at this special person called "friend" that can either make you or break you....

i believe no true friend would do anything to harm another person they call friend....just think about it....if you actually care about someone for real....would you actually do anything to hurt that persons feelings?? if it was me who was being questioned, my obvious answer would be no for sure....i have always tried to make sure all the people around me is happy and always cheerful....and thanks to my efforts, i have earned the title of being the FM radio among my friends....hehe....thanks loads guys....just hope my efforts did somehow cheer you all up and not anything else.... *wink*

over the 21 years of my existance, i have encountered loads of different people with different characteristics....some of which i am proud to call friends and some that i am ashamed....i truely detest people who use "friendship" as a means for their own personal gain....i mean how selfish can one get?? but sadly, these kind of "friends" are the most around....personal experiences are countless....they are all around....if they need you...you are their 'bestest' friend....and when they are done with you....they dont even wanna know you....sad?? yeah it is....hurts most of the time....especially when they go around spoiling your name after that....spreading rumours and talking shit....it makes you think were there any friendship involved at all....but these idiots dont really deserve the time and feelings spent on them....all they deserve is a hard kick up their asses and a life alone with no one to rely on for the rest of their lives....so if this has happened to you....just smile and live on with your life....what goes around comes around....they will get back for their deeds....

then there is also the minor cases out there....the kind that always has a favour to ask from you....
"can you please do this for me??"
"can you take that for me??"
"can i borrow this??"
"can i borrow that??"
too many favours...too many request....hehe....yeah its not wrong to ask for favours from friends....neither is it wrong to help friends out....however, many have misused this comfort and have treated friends more like servants or delivery people....i have seen friends being used like this a million times....sadly there is nothing i could do about it for i was afraid to hurt or anger the parties involved....i wonder how they never realised this was happening....but then again, neither did i when it happened to me....like a few times....hehe....you know whats the funniest part....we always tend to blame ourselves when things like this happen....guess we all trust and adore our friends so much that we actually get blinded by the selfish things and mistakes they do and always think its our fault....sad but true....hehe....

sadly, i guess that is all a part of life's cycle....we need to meet individuals with such character so we learn to build our own characters....it also makes us appreciate the good set of people we have in our lives....the kind that deserves being called friends....though these kind of people are hard to find....but it is not impossible....we just have to look a little harder than we usually do....i am happy to claim that i do have a small set of friends that i appreciate and can call my friends....when i dont mind sending my other so-called-friends direct to the recycle bin even right now, they are the people i would never want to erase from my life....they have been there for me when i needed them the most....and they have managed to bring some joy in my life for all these years....it is these kind of individuals that deserve to celebrate this day....for they are the true friend in friendship....

To have a good friend....
You need to be one too....
So be nice to each other....
And will be friends forever....
And that is how you be....
The best friend you can ever be.....

i think we all can learn a thing or two from that poem....hehe....just as a dessert to finish off this blog entry....hehe....so is friendship a blessing or a curse?? its a blessing no matter what...because which ever experience....good or bad...will always teach us something about life....and that would make us a better and stronger person....agreed??....okies then....i guess i will be signing off now....so till my fingers find a keyboard to start crapping again....Happy Friendship Day again peeps....ciaozZz